Facts of Life: Boy Edition

My mother has always said that boys are easier to raise than girls. I used to think she said that because she had two girls and only one boy. Plus, it also implied that my brother is my mother’s favorite.

Once I got into the motherhood gig and the DNA lottery granted me two boys, I started to think that my mother was correct about this subject. As I looked to the future, I imagined that puberty would be a breeze because I could just pass the boys off to their father. I got them potty trained and my work was finished.

It just about worked out that way too. But there were the occasional questions…

When Mr. A was about 4 years old, he watched me put a box of Tampax in the shopping cart. He asked me what it was. I told him it was “just for girls.” He then asked, “Like make-up?” I replied, “Yes.”

A few years later when Mr. A was about 8 years old and we were in the grocery store and he saw the Tampax in the cart and said, “You know, Mom, I still haven’t figured out what you do with that.” I told him that if he really wanted to know, I would explain it when we got home. However, by the time we got home, he had forgotten about it and I let it go.

Then came The Talk in the 5th grade. All the boys went to one classroom and all the girls went to another. Mr. A came home with lots of pamphlets and samples of Old Spice deodorant. I asked him if he had any questions. With his eyes big & wide and his mouth clamped shut he slowly shook his head “no.”

Well, The Talk happened about a month after my Sweetie and I were married. In other words, we were newlyweds. We were cooking a big family breakfast one Sunday morning and being all lovey-dovey. We were whispering in code to each other about how much we had enjoyed the previous night.

Mr. A walked by carrying a stack of plates to the table. He stopped with a horror-stricken look on his face and said, “Oh! I know what you’re talking about!” He put the plates down on the counter and ran to his room. He refused to come out for breakfast. I looked at my Sweetie and begged him to talk to our son.

S took Mr. A for a long car ride. S came back looking amused and A looked totally relieved. To this day, I still don’t know what they talked about.

Not long after that we were in the grocery store again. Mr. A noticed the Tampax in the cart and exclaimed loud enough for the next two aisles to hear, “THAT’S WHAT YOU DO WITH IT!”