Name Calling

Perfecting the art of name calling must be a right of passage for young boys.

No matter how many times I’ve witnessed name calling I’ve never truly understood it. I’ve noticed that in some male social circles it progresses into adulthood and eventually becomes a form of camaraderie or affection.

With siblings, name calling and insults are inevitable. In our house certain words are not allowed. Such as: hate, stupid, retard, moron. Ugh. I dislike typing those words.

One day, I stubbed my toe on the couch. To prevent myself from cursing I called it a “stupid couch.” A 5-year-old G-Man called me on the carpet for using a word that wasn’t allowed. We discussed it and concluded that since the couch was an inanimate object and didn’t have feelings, it was okay that I called it “stupid.”

Last year during a period of high testosterone levels in our house, I presented the boys with a book of Shakespeare’s Insults. I told the boys that if they insisted on name calling and insulting each other, they could at least do it intelligently.

The English language is so vast there is absolutely no reason to be pedestrian about expressing yourself.

The Bard was a master at hurling insults. Here are a few that you can work into every day conversation:

“A slippery and subtle knave”

“You tread upon my patience”

“You are as a candle, the better part burnt out”

Or my personal favorite:

“Your face is not worth sunburning”

If you really want to mix things up, you can use a randomly generated online Shakespearean Insulter to get something like this:

Thou odiferous beetle-headed hedge-pig!

Have fun with it!