Courage.
What do I know about courage? I’ve never been in a combat situation. I’ve never pulled someone from a burning car. Do I write about other people’s courage or do I stick to what I know?
Did I have the courage to stand up to an abusive husband?
You betcha!
Did I have the courage to be a single mom?
Of course!
Did I have the courage to fall in love again?
Absolutely!
Do I have the courage to get in the car with my 16-year-old son driving?
Yep!
Do I have the courage to get out of bed every morning?
No... But somehow I do.
Do I have the courage to tell people that I have Treatment Resistant Depression?
No... But I’m going to try.
Didn’t see that one coming, did you?
Treatment Resistant Depression is exactly what it sounds like. Medication works for a short while but then it’s no longer effective. For the past four weeks my doctor and I have been trying new mood stabilizers. I have felt awful as we’ve attempted to balance out my mood via the Russian Roulette method. I really haven’t been much fun to be around.
My doctor tells me that the big difference between me and other depressed patients is that I don’t want to be depressed and I have a very positive outlook on life. Well, who would want to feel like this? Essentially, I’m a happy person who happens to have a chemical imbalance that causes me to be depressed. I guess I'm just lucky.
The past month has been a struggle. Actually, the past six months have been a desperate struggle. I’m tired. I want to pull the covers over my head and not come out. I’m almost on the brink of giving up. Some days a positive attitude can only get me so far.
For years I haven’t discussed this with anyone outside my family. Mainly because there is such a social stigma attached to depression or any kind of mental illness. But today I’m gathering up my courage to tell you in an attempt to cast off another veil in my vulnerable striptease.
Hope is fueling my courage. I hope that just one positive comment of encouragement from my bloggy buddies will be enough to get me through another day.
For more words of courage, visit Jen and Sarah at Momalom.
13 comments:
The worst thing in the world is to feel depressed. It is my biggest fear. I fear I will get sick and then depressed.
You sound so positive. You must have an amazing spirit. AMAZING!
You put one foot in front of the other, every morning and NEVER give up hope.
You can ALWAYS contact me. ALWAYS.
You are going to get through this. I promise.
I've struggled with depression all of my life. Sometimes medication has helped it greatly, while other times, we've really had to tinker around with other methods/meds.
It's hard to realize that you're kind of stuck with this for life. But good for you, courageous girl, for getting out of bed and putting on your best face.
You are now and always have been one of the most courageous women i know. I am as you know a true believer in saying it like it is. If people can not and will not accept you for who and how you are. Well you didn't need that person in your life anyway. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide. If more people would admit that they're depressed there would be a lot less alcoholics in the world. At least your willing to try and do something to make your life better. I'm proud of you.
I went thru a long period of depression after my marriage ended. It's awful and I'm so sorry you are living with this. You're such a courageous person and you've dealt with so much; it doesn't seem fair. Thank goodness for your wonderful upbeat attitude and loving family. I wish I could do something to help you. Please know we care about you and hope something will work soon! xoxo
Bravo to you, Erica, for having the courage to share your story. I hope that the act of writing this and of inviting us into your experience will help you in some way - even if it is just knowing that you have a big fan club here of people cheering you on.
I also want to recommend one of my favorite blogs to you: http://evaevolving.wordpress.com/ Eva writes beautifully about her own struggles with depression. I find tremendous insight and kinship whenever I read her posts.
Thank you, Erica, for opening yourself up in this way.
Erica, facing depression takes tremendous courage...it's a day by day battle. Your posts are always so uplifting, I would never have known. I've had periods (one major bout) of depression so I know how difficult it can be. I hope your doctor will find the right meds for you. Mean time, deep breaths, chin up, and happy thoughts. You are courageous. Thanks for sharing your story.
Thank you for having the courage to share your story. Having a positive outlook on life and a desire to treat your depression is a major leap in the right direction. I'm sure that you, along with your doctor, will get it right. My hubby went through a period of depression and it wasn't easy. But he had me and other friends/family who supported him and really made a difference. Good luck. I'm sure you will win this battle. Your courage and determination are already shining through.
*hugs* (((Erica)))
Courage is not defined as always being brave in the face of adversity. Courage also means being afraid but persevering anyway, in spite of your fears. Or sadness, or depression. You are a very courageous woman!
You are not alone sweetie. You are so loved by your hubby, your kids, and your bloggie friends. Hang in there; and feel free to lean on me if you want/need to. I'm but an email away!
Courage is everywhere in this post. That you had the courage to leave a bad marriage and love again. But yes, sometimes getting out of bed takes the greatest courage of all. (And is the least to be recognized as courageous.) And to face depression again and again and be open about your struggle here is courage enough. I hope for a great community of support for you so that you can live your happy outlook without barriers. And courageously.
Thank you for sharing your story here, and what a great way to do it - through the supportive network of Momalom.
It is a pleasure to "meet you" here, and I hope that these comments will help lift you in ways that no medication could - or couldn't.
Depression hit me really hard during my last pregnancy. I found solace through the internet and my new, dear friends. I hope that you may find that as well!
It takes courage to openly share your journey with this awful disease. But your courage will open doors for other depression patients and I thank you for that.
I was once told I was depressed, but I never understood it and never persued any help for it. Now later in my years, I have begun to notice a pattern and do believe the diagnoses to be correct.
It takes a lot of courage to open up about it. I also find you to be very couragous in dealing with your skin cancer.
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