Overwhelmed. Struggling. Tired.
I’m not sure how to describe how I’ve felt this past week and how I continue to feel.
I’m overwhelmed by the suffocating and oppressive feelings that run hand-in-hand with depression. I struggle with my day-to-day life. I struggle with simple tasks. I struggle with illogical fears that creep in while my guard is down. I’m tired of positive thinking. I’m tired of hoping This Too Shall Pass. I’m tired of trying new medication dosing. I’m tired of not feeling like myself. I’m tired of dodging questions from co-workers. I’m tired of feeling like crap. I’m tired of being tired.
For the past week I haven’t picked up a book to read. I haven’t taken any photos. I haven’t replied to friends’ emails. I’ve barely attempted to blog. I didn’t even finish the Momalom Five-for-Ten. No yoga, swimming, or bike riding either.
I don’t want to do any of my usual activities. Instead I want to crawl into my shell and not come out. I want to live the life of a hermit just like Obi-Wan Kenobi. (OK, Yoda was a hermit too but the slimy landscape of Dagoba really creeps me out.)
How did I fall into a depression that seeps into my very being?
I don't know. I'm tired but I'm not ready to give up. So here I am dipping my toe back into the blogging wading pool. The anonymity of the blogosphere makes it easy to be myself. But the true comfort is in the safety of the non-judging online community that I've had the privilege of joining.
Did you know that MS Word recognizes Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda as real words?
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9 comments:
Really, it recognizes Star Wars words?? That is so cool; my son will be thrilled.
I hate that you're going through this. Keep fighting Erica. I can't imagine how hard it is. I had a bout with depression after my marriage ended and it was one of the worst things in its heaviness and how I wanted it to go away and it wouldn't. Thinking of you and love you!
And through all of it you still manage a little Star Wars humor :) Sending you hugs and smiles today, keep pushing back and you will win - you're too awesome not to
I missed our "virtual" coffee breaks this week. So sorry to hear all is not well. You are definitely not a quitter! In keeping with the Star Wars and in the immortal words of Darth Vader, "The Force is strong with this one." So, may the Force be with you. Sunny days are ahead. Keep up the good fight!
I had kinda forgotten about the Star Wars quip I left in this post. Ah, the workings of my over-taxed brain.
Thank you all for your Stars Wars related comments...they've made me smile.
Erica, I'm so sorry that this is the journey that you find yourself on. I send you giant virtual hugs and all the good wishes I can fit through these wires.
May the force be with you. Always.
You know, sometimes it's just fine to crawl into your shell and not come out for a while. Sometimes that's just what you need to do. Think of it as hitting the reset button. Once you've evened back out and regrouped you'll be fine, and able to venture back into things.
I'll be thinking of you!
I'm in the bad place right now, too. I do have to love you though, because you can turn even a rough time into a Star Wars reference. ((hugs))
Love your honesty. Depression is a hard thing to write about, to share. It's just HARD. Really hard.
So nice to "meet" you :) and I hope you're feeling more like yourself soonly,
Heather
**hugs** Oh Erica, I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. I don't know what to say; I know that mere words really can't change anything for you. Yet I want to post just because I want you know that I'm here for you, I'm thinking of you, and I am on TEAM ERICA and I'm cheering for you to feel better. **hugs** You're not alone. We love you! Let me know if I can do anything ok?
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