Many ordinary things in life make me happy. Little everyday things bring a smile to my face. Things like birthday cake, balloons at a party, white fluffy clouds, a butterfly, my Great Dane trying to catch a butterfly, and the scent of sea air. These momentary pings of happiness lighten my heart and put a spring in my step.
Then there are the truly important things in my life that are integral to my long-term, sustainable happiness. My husband is my best friend and we love each other deeply and without bounds. We are raising our children in a safe and loving home. Our boys are healthy and are really GOOD kids. Our parents are active, healthy, and involved in the boys’ lives. We both have secure jobs that we enjoy. Heck, my job is very close to one of my fantasy jobs from my childhood! And let’s not forget that I am walking today thanks to a very talented surgeon!
My life is wonderful and I love it. I’m happy with my life for all the right reasons (at least in my book). So how can I have depression? When depression wraps itself around me the little moments of happiness don’t get through the dull, thick, numbing fog. Deep down I know that my life is good and I’m loved. However, the breeze on my face or the sun sparkling on the water doesn’t make me smile. Homemade cards from my children make me cry. My husband’s jokes go unnoticed. It sucks. But I continue to remind myself that I already have happiness in my life. Eventually, the mood will change. Eventually, I will get the momentary pings back. I go on hope a lot.
I also know that I have to take an active role in my overall happiness. I participate in yoga, bike riding, and swimming as part of the PLRH Wellness Program. The hardest part is getting motivated everyday to do something. I try to keep my brain engaged when I’m at home with knitting, reading, or blogging. Every little bit makes a difference whether I want to admit it or not.
The tide is beginning to turn for me. I believe my current funk is almost over. After Mr. A’s AP Chemistry exam yesterday, he and my Sweetie took me out to lunch. We ate at a little bistro around the corner from my office. I was quiet and listened as my guys discussed the British election. It was a wonderful way to spend my lunch. I was content. Thinking about it now warms my heart.
My life is very happy… says the girl who hasn’t smiled in days or laughed in weeks… but that’s about to change.
For more Happiness, visit Momalom.
21 comments:
Isn't it amazing that we can identify happiness, trace its contours, even when we don't feel it?
There is a potent optimism inherent in these words here. From reading them along, I can tell that tide is beginning to turn. I hope so.
Thank you for sharing this.
I'm rooting for you, my old friend! Keep smiling and the clouds will part! You are one tough cookie. :-D
these are such strong words full of so much appreciation. i hope that your tide is turning! it sounds like you deserve some unhindered happiness.
You so brave to put this out there. So many are going to be able to see themselves in this post. The fact that you recognize what makes you happy, even while you're not feeling it, speaks volumes. Hugs to you, holding on until this passes!
Growing up I always thought that there was 1 thing that I could find to make me truly happy. What I've learned, though, is that happiness is a process. I hope the tide continues to turn.
I can really relate to this. I'm glad you're finding more happiness :)
"I also know that I have to take an active role in my overall happiness."
I think this is true of any of us. We are all in pursuit but sometimes we are so busy in trying to find and define happiness, we don't realize that it's right here.
But you do, and that's a long way into happiness.
Isn't it strange the things we attach "happiness" to?
While life isnt bad and we seem to have everything you could ever want and yet no smiles.
Great Post
I come from a long line of depression, and thinking about how it has affected my family really guided how I wrote my post on this subject.
And then I read your post. I feel the determination and spirit behind your words. I see the optimism and strength. The tide may turn; it may not. But you have a firm grasp on what you need, and what you have.
I am confident that you'll find a way to enjoy the happiness you know is there.
You are right. Every little thing makes a difference in the overall picture. Glad you are finding some positive energy in the activities you are pursuing. Your words are strong and I sense the underlying optimism behind them. I am pulling for the tide to turn soon for you. Thanks for such a raw and emotional post.
I would say that depression is often misunderstood. Yes, happiness is a choice, but even if you are the most optimistic person in the world, depression will practically eliminate happiness.
I am a very optimistic and pleasant person. When depression hit during my 6th and 7th month of pregnancy (last year, actually), I didn't know what was wrong with me. I just could NOT be happy. I was freaking my husband out and freaking myself out. It wasn't until a deep conversation with my husband that we realized the culprit. After talking to my doctor, I made the decision to use medication. Luckily for me, it worked. After I had the baby (and after ppd was out of the way), I was able to go off the medication. I would now consider myself to be the same optimist and happy person I once was.
But.
I have been strangled by depression and I have survived.
I hope the tide continues to turn for you.
I've been funk-a-licious all winter. I always get mowed down by the cold and the dark.
But the flowers are starting to come out honey...come out and play :)
Oh Erica, this is so incredibly rich. I think there is even more for you to say on this. Or maybe I'm just punching my own details into your story. I think we all do that when we read something we identify with.
I adore the description of happiness as pings. Because that is what it is. And when I remember that I don't get so disappointed in myself for not feeling perpetually swept away with good feelings and joy.
Beautiful, rich post. Thank you. And, ironically, I think it took courage, too. So a double whammy. yay.
What a beautiful and insightful post! How difficult it is when happiness just seems there for the taking, but we can't feel it. I've been there, too. I"m sending you warm wishes for real smiles and laughter soon.
Well said. Sometimes the happiness right there is beyond our grasp. We'll be hopeful together.
Small bits of happiness are sometimes enough to get us through until tomorrow. Happiness and hope go hand in hand. Hang onto the hope
I'm over here from Momalom and appreciate your post.
I suffer from it too, just here and there with no warning, a little overload, too much stress, and down I go. It's really been some of my blackest moments but each one has ended and there's been this blinding moment when I realized I was back each time. When optimism and happiness returns.
Oh Erica I'm so glad. You sound happy. Yes, the tide is turning. xo
I'm always amazed how much my happiness and my ability to MOVE my body are linked. I hope you will continue to move and that, hidden in the yoga and the swimming and biking you will find the smiles and laughter you are missing.
It sure sounds like you do everything as right as one can when one struggles as you have. And your writing is so vivid, even when you write about your fuzziness.
It is an elusive thing, happiness, but that doesn't stop me from wishing more of it for you, for your funk to pass, perhaps for the last traces of wisdom to be gleaned from the dark beast of our despair.
Perhaps, in the end, it is only our relationships, family, friends, and here in this world, that make the hard things just barely tolerable and the good things all the sweeter.
Namaste
*hugs*
Things are looking up - you deserve it!
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