The Blahs have been upon me for awhile now. Yes, I’ve been in a period of depression for about six months and I’ve been doing everything in my power to battle it. But for the past few weeks I’ve been even more blah.
Our vacation to the mountains was fun but I didn’t thoroughly enjoy myself. I didn’t let my hair down and throw myself into the fun. Ever since we came back home I’ve been even more constrained.
Before we left on vacation I met with my psychologist and she suggested some personality testing. The testing would show the areas in which we need to concentrate so I could hurry up and start feeling like me again. I agreed and we scheduled a date for after the mountains trip. That block of testing loomed in my mind the entire time we were gone. I dreaded coming back to it. For some inexplicable reason I didn’t want to do it.
Testing day came and went and I survived somehow. But the worst was yet to come… The appointment when the results were revealed. I agonized over it. Today was the day and somehow yet again I survived. I’m not a horrible monster. I don’t need to be locked away for the safety of the public. I’m just a person with depression. But yet I tore myself up inside about the testing and the subsequent results.
From the day THREE WEEKS AGO that I scheduled the testing time until today I haven’t purposely done anything I enjoy. And all those fun things I did on vacation with my guys… I didn’t enjoy as much as I should have or could have. Instead I spent all of that quality family time expending energy torturing myself.
Why? That’s what we start to figure out next week.
But what I really want to know now is do I get a vacation do-over?
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6 comments:
Good luck my love. I know it will all work out for the best.
PLRH, I hope you know that I am here for you. If you ever want to chat, go out for a movie, lunch, dinner, etc., just give me a ring. We can talk or not talk, just be! Thinking of you...
I think you toatlly deserve a vacation do over. Hoping you are able to rise above this soon. I know the mierable feeling of th blahs. You're just going through the motions and not really living them, I soon you will feel the joy, love, and excitement of all those you hold dear and of all that incircles you. You are a very special lady, you just need to feel it deep inside. Sending you, love, hugs, good thooughts, and positive energy.
Oh honey, I ache for you; the Blah's suck.
And you totally deserve a vaca-do-over; maybe you can schedule mini do-overs.
You are so amazing; you keep plugging away. I admire the hell out of you. xoxo
Well after the blahs go away you are due for a do-over. I hope all goes well with the recovery from the blahs.
*hugs*
Sorry I'm late to chime in on this one. I vote YES you are way due for a do-over on the vacation. Once you get to feeling better. Hang in there Erica!
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