The past few weeks I’ve been thinking about relationships.
I’m very blessed to have strong relationships with the people closest to me. My Sweetie and I have a rock solid marriage and we were the best of friends before we ever said “I do.” I love our children and I also happen to really like them. That’s right, I LIKE my teenage sons. I like who they are as people and I enjoy spending time with them. My parents live only two miles away from our house. Sometimes I may roll my eyes but I know that my parents are some of my biggest supporters and I appreciate the whole extended family thing we have going on.
Relationships are often casualties of depression. My husband, children, and parents have all stood by me and supported me. Sometimes they did it blindly. They didn’t know what was going on inside of me or what I needed. But they were there just in case.
However, most of my friendships (outside the bloggy world) I let slip away. As my very astute eldest son once told me many, many years ago, “It takes two people to be in a relationship.” Yes, it does. And for the past 6 or 7 months I haven’t had the energy to be one of those people. I expended all of my energy fighting my depression and trying to protect myself.
I’ve been able to maintain my bloggy friends though. Why is that relationship easier? We still give and take. We still share and listen. We support and encourage. We laugh and cry. I adore all my bloggy buddies. Yes, you know who you are!
But then while writing this post I wondered,
Why haven’t some of my IRL (in real life) friends reached out to me in the past few months?
For those of you who have kept in touch, stop sweating because this part isn’t about you!
So today I emailed a friend that I haven’t seen or talked to since January. Every time we get together I hear all about the drama in her life. For the past year it’s been her divorce. I must be a great listener because each time we part she thanks me and I walk away feeling like crap. I sent her an upbeat email saying that a lot has happened and that I wanted to have a girls’ date to catch up.
I got her reply.
She’s got “A LOT” going on and she’ll get back to me in a few weeks.
WTF? Where’s the give and take?
I wasn’t aware of this... but apparently there’s only been ONE person in that relationship.
Between this and being snubbed on Facebook, it’s been a rough week on my self esteem.
8 comments:
We are all to often in relationships that are one sided. I am doing my best to correct those relationships in my life. A lot of it comes with being self aware. The more aware a person becomes of themselves the more aware they will become of the people around them. I believe you are probably the most caring and loving person I know. We have gone months with out talking and been able to pick up our friendship again. I for one am one person that will be here no matter what. You know you can call me any time with any thing at all.
First of all, I wish I could give you a hug right now. Sounds like you need it.
I'm at a crossroads with several friendships in my life right now; we have this pattern--I give, they take. I don't ask for much; I'm a very low-maintenance friend. But this summer, a few major things have happened where I've felt the need for support. And guess what? They're too *busy*. I don't send the SOS out unless it's something major, and yet...they can't be bothered to care. Ouch.
Online friendships are easier, yes, because all you have to do is click, but I also think that sometimes the people you bond with online are ones with similar hearts and interests, so it just seems seamless.
Am thinking of you.
I've learned a lot about friendship in the past few years. Some friends I've had to set boundaries with, others I've had to let go. It's always hard when it's happening but I feel good looking back. Friendships take time and energy and who has extra to waste on people who only take? Hubby and I were just talking about how we need do this with a negative couple that we are friends with. Hope you feel loved this week - your friend will miss you and I have a feeling it will be too late.
I am so sorry this happened today. I wish friendships weren't so tough. I do want you to know, though, that your comment on my blog was an encouragement to me today. You've had some bumps and bruises from real life interactions, but to be honest, blogging has been tough on my self esteem lately...I've had so little response to anything I've posted and I really hate to admit that it hurts, but it does! So your sweet comment meant a lot to me.
I also have had those one sided relationships and they aren't worth the time, energy, and mental capacity to try to sustain. Friendship takes two people. I am the type of person that has acquaintances but only a few close friends, and I am happy with that. Hubby is my best friend but I feel I need female companionship at times as well. I know how you feel, have been there. Some people are takers and not givers, which may be the case with this friend. Sorry, she doesn't sound like a keeper.
I have had relationships fizzle out this way too. I just get tired of the one sidedness. It is amazing how supportive the bloggy world can be. You're lucky to have your family around too.
THOSE are the relationships you don't need! Those kind that are me me me all the time. They never stop talking about thier lives long enough for them to ask "How are things with you".
Count your blessings and move on, if she is a true friend she will step up.
Thinking of you & looking forward to our Fall adventure!! Yes, let's be roomies. And can we please get together BEFORE that? I'm in for whatever. Dinner/ movie at Lakewood Ranch? Friendship--real friendship--is a funny thing. I've been burned in a way that felt so personal before and later realized that the "friend" just didn't know how to be one. It was all about her. And probably still is. Didn't stick around to find out. And sadly, it wasn't something I could teach her.
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