Shyness combined with perfectionism can be crippling for a little redheaded girl.
During most of my school years I never raised my hand in class. Even if I knew I had the correct answer, I never raised my hand in class. Why? Because there was a miniscule chance that I might be wrong and THAT would be embarrassing.
Thankfully, as I got into high school and college I got a tiny bit adventuresome and raised my hand a few times. I even challenged my teachers once or twice. But my overall style was to observe and not to become involved. Not to make ripples.
Now as I look at my life, I’ve realized that I don’t engage in an activity or endeavor unless success is guaranteed. I don’t stumble. I don’t fall. I expect everything to be right the first time. How boring is that?
My all-time favorite physical activity is swimming. Not splashing around the pool with the kids swimming. Not boring lap swimming. But hard-core, intense, competitive swimming. That’s what I did for 13 years of my life. I don’t do it anymore. Why? Because I don’t have the time or the patience it would take to get myself to that level of fitness again. Nor do I have the daily time commitment to maintain it. I’ve never admitted this to anyone before because I wasn’t sure if it sounded selfish or lazy or both. Imagine my surprise when I heard my brother express the same exact sentiment.
There is one area of my life that I’m aware of that my perfectionist policy doesn’t apply… quilting. Quilting is an activity and interest that my mother and I share. However, my mom didn’t teach me to sew or quilt. I taught myself. If you were to compare the backs of each of our quilt blocks you would see a difference. My sewing is good. My mother’s sewing is perfect. She was taught to sew by her aunt that insisted the back has to look as good as the front. If it didn’t, she had to rip it out.
So what’s different with this aspect of my life? One simple idea. The Amish intentionally leave a mistake in their quilts because “Only God can make something perfect.”
(If they intentionally leave the mistake that opens a whole philosophical can of worms that we won’t get into now.)
I’m perfectly happy making less-than-perfect quilts. It’s okay. I’ve got a pass. The Amish say so and they’re expert quilt makers.
But why can’t I apply this theory to the rest of my life? I don’t have to be perfect. What I do doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s okay to try and fail and try again. Why should I be afraid to try something new?
From now on I resolve to be less-than-perfect. I want to do new things and I want to do them badly. I want to be a success at failures. I want to send ripples out to my environment and see what bounces back.
But already I’ve reached my first hurdle. I don’t know what to do! I’ve lived inside my comfort zone for so long that I don’t know how to step out of it.
I need a healthy dose of gumption!
To get me going I need to come up with something that’s impulsive and not so responsible. The only rule is that it can’t be anything detrimental. In other words, I don’t want to go into debt to pay for a fantasy vacation to Bora Bora. Also, I shouldn’t do anything irresponsible like suddenly quit my job and leave my family without health insurance. Other than that, there aren’t any rules.
This is where you get to help. I NEED your suggestions! I need ideas of activities that will get me outside my comfort zone. Ideas that will get me to try new things. Ideas that will help dissolve my emotional reticence.
Online I read about one woman who sang Amazing Grace while in line at the DMV. By the end of the song, everyone in line was singing with her. While this was a great idea for her it’s not a good idea for me. I would never add to anyone’s pain and suffering at the DMV by singing. So there’s another rule: no singing.
Let’s hear those ideas!!!
9 comments:
Well, not that you asked but can I make a crazy suggestion? Sky diving. It's miraculous what happens to your gumption after you do it. You feel like if you can do that, you can literally do anything. I've noticed on Anthony Robbins new show that he's had both people do something similar at the beginning of helping them get "unstuck" - I think there's something to it. Let me know if you want someone to go with you, I could use a little bit of renewed wow factor ;)
Try this... Walk in to a book store. Go to the cooking section. With your back turned to the shelf, Stand in front of the cookbooks. Close your eyes. Turn toward the cookbooks. Reach forward. "randomly" select a cookbook. Buy this cookbook. Go home. Open the selected cookbook without looking at the index. Select one of the recipes on the pages you opened to. Collect the needed ingriedents. Make the recipe.
How is that for outside your comfort zone! Recipe roulette !
Scuba diving? Join a club ? Sing kareoke? Take a class on something that interests but intimidates you? Invite over an acqaintance you've been wanting to get to know better?good luck!
Funny, Uncommon Blonde. My aunt & uncle just did it & I would NEVER EVER EVER picture them doing it. I think they loved it. I don't have the guts to do it. PLRH, I would suggest we get into some sort of crazy adventure, but I'm all out of steam these days. What do you think about doing one of those service vacations where you're shipped off to do research or something? They have always been appealing to me...
Loving the new attitude. C and I put our heads together for this one. So hold on to your knickers. 1) Just to get you started out slow. Read your camera manual. hahaha 2)Learn to surf. You've always wanted to. Ron Jons Water Park in Orlando has land locked surfing with instructor. Let us know if and when you can go we will do our best to meet you there if you'd like. 3) Was going to say cooking class. But love Wendy's idea better.
4) Apparently I'm going sky diving so come join. Only after you talk to your back DR.
Learn to make wine! I want to do that one...and two more I want to try are stain glass and pottery. Take a night class...this one is totally out of my comfort zone and something I want to do. I used to be a perfectionist, and changing it was a matter of "mind shift" more than stepping out of my box which is what I am working on. And actually to step out of my box, I've registered for a writer's conference in September...I am both excited and frightened about it. Sorry I can't come up with any exciting ideas, blame it on my boring character.
Some good ideas here. First of all I think you're braver than you know. You sent me a scarf last winter out of the blue and made my day and started our bloggy friendship. Your photos rock. It's in you.
Volunteer for some organization you really believe in, a specific event. Or plan a weekend away alone to take photos, figure out your life, whatever. I find as I get older the braver, more out-of-the-box I become. You're just beginning!
I love the attitude, and the spirit of adventure! I'm a little late to the discussion here...and I have to admit that Sky Diving was the first thing that came to mind, before I got to the comments...but as soon as I thought that, I remembered that a couple weeks ago when We were in our new neck of the woods, narrowing down our ideas on land to buy...I saw a hot air balloon place right next to one of the properties we looked at. I was so excited about the prospect of living next to a hot air balloon outfitter..I think it would be an amazing adventure if sky diving isn't quite right :)
I was that same girl that never raised her hand. I wasn't afraid of failure, I was afraid of being noticed and having the attention on me.
Well we already know you take fabulous photos, I would say summit them to your local Chamber of Commerce or newspaper or something like that. I do think that would be out of your comfort zone, but still be attached to something you enjoy and of course there would also be the chance of failure before success.
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