Christmas is my favorite holiday and Christmas Eve specifically is my absolute favorite day of the year. It may sound childlike coming from an adult but I still feel that there is something magical (both secular and sacred) about Christmas Eve. I enjoy the inner peace I find on that special night and look forward to it all year long.
But the holiday season (Thanksgiving through New Year) is also the worst time of year for me. During the other ten months of the year I think, This year will be different. Then November arrives and I begin to fall apart.
Why the paradox?
Partially because of some personal reasons leftover from the not-so-nice-person I was married to previously. Also, because I expend so much fracking energy trying to please other people that I get totally overwhelmed and I don’t take the time to care about my own feelings and needs. Well, if I don’t take the time, why should anyone else?
This weekend was a huge wake-up call for me. My only plans for this weekend included knitting, sewing, and the movies. Both the knitting and sewing activities required trips to the craft store and the quilt shop. Saturday I went to a quilt shop with my mother and we discussed holiday plans, logistics, and wish lists as I drove. The thoughts ran through my head...
No, the plans haven’t changed and no, I don’t plan on changing them. The boys really don’t need anything (except socks). Please don’t buy them something just to have an item to wrap or because you spent X amount of dollars on the other grandchildren. If you would like to give them a gift, make it something special.
Then later that day G-Man and I ran into my sister-in-law when we stopped for lunch. She was out Christmas shopping.
Really? Already? Should I be shopping? Am I missing some really good deals?
Sunday morning I fielded two phone calls from my mother-in-law before I could leave the house to run my errands. She was online shopping for the boys and had questions. The running commentary in my head repeated...
No, I still didn’t have any additional gift ideas since the last time we spoke. They really don’t need anything (except socks). Please don’t buy them something just to have an item to wrap or because you spent X amount of dollars on the other grandchildren. If you would like to give them a gift, make it something special.
After I purchased some new knitting needles, I stopped at SuperTarget for two items. I was immediately overwhelmed by the time I put my sunglasses away and got past the Starbucks. I felt as if the North Pole and Martha Stewart’s kitchen collided inside the store. For some self-destructive reason, I walked the entire perimeter of the store.
I became nervous and anxious. I thought...
Should I be making cookies? Should I be decorating? Do I need to buy new decorations? Should I decorate more than usual? Should I buy new table lines? Should I buy new ornaments? New lights? Will we decorate the outside of the house? Should I buy Christmas cards now? Should I make Christmas cards? Will I even send out Christmas cards? Should I buy new paper and ribbon? What about gift bags? Should I go with a theme? Do they have the Xbox Kinect in stock? I wonder if they sell pfeffernüsse. Should I buy a sparkly top?
I was distraught by the time I left Target with my two items. I got home in a crabby mood and was fed up with the commercialism of Christmas. All of us have been bombarded with the TV, radio, newspaper, online ads for Black Friday sales and now Pre-Black Friday sales, jewelry stores and year-end car sales.
Later that afternoon as I sat at my sewing machine reclaiming my sanity, I could hear the TV coming from the family room as my Sweetie watched the football game. Then I heard the voiceover for a luxury car commercial… of all things. It caught my attention when the man’s voice said, “In this season of overindulgence…”
I had an A-Ha Moment.
Overindulgence.
I instantly knew that I had been sucked up in the overindulgence of the season and it was going against the natural grain of my personality.
I feel so strongly about this that I want to say it again...
The overindulgence of the season goes against the natural grain of my personality.
I need to simplify. I need to cut out the commercialism and the unnecessary spending. I need to stop worrying about what I’m “supposed” to do. I need to stop trying to please everyone in my extended-family.
But how? How do I simplify the holiday season so I don’t have my annual meltdown? How do I accomplish this when there are 18 other family members involved in the mix?
Suggestions? Anyone?
9 comments:
Great question! I too seek the answer to this question. I love Christmas but hate the stress. I can feel the need to please every one urge starting to nag at me already. Since J will be in Tokyo until mid-December, we are attempting to simplify the Holidays this year. We have already decided to Stay home this year! Usually the week of Christmas involves about 1,000 miles to visit both sides of the families.
One good idea may be to do what we started doing a few years back. J's family decided not to buy gifts for one another. Instead, we chose to donate the money we would spend on gifts, to a worthy cause. One year the money was used to pay utility bills for a family. Last year was Christmas for a Family who could not afford it.
It was a lot of fun shopping for kids who would not have Christmas otherwise!
Amen! Society has commericalized Christmas to the point that it has been ruined on many levels for me. I like to enjoy Thansgiving (my favorite Holiday) before I even think about Christmas. I try to enjoy an intentional Christmas...centered on the meaning and time with family. We have scaled way back on presents, still big on food though. Going to church plays and cantatas really helps me focus, even those can be a bit much for me. I mostly prefer in all honesty to shop online and listen to Christmas music from the solitude of my home! Our extened family started drawing names years ago, and then evolved into Mad Santa and now we just spend time together over a wonderful family meal. All gift giving (which is minimal for us now) is spent in our own homes. I realize this does not live up to most people's expectations of Christmas, but it works for us...much less stressful. Hope your Holiday season is stressless and all you hope for.
I forgot to add that one year we all donated money to the country church of my MIL...I thought it was the best Christmas ever but some of the family were not happy with that solution...they like the idea of giving and receiving gifts and opening them together. It is difficult to please everyone!
None. I struggle with the same things. There will be too many toys in this house come Christmas morning because everyone is after that moment of joy from opening a package. It's wonderful and sick all wrapped up in one glitzy package.
If you get any good advice, pass it on!
Totally thinking of boycotting all the holidays this year. Tired of the stress already. Hate to shop on the best of days. When I saw Christmas stuff at Wal-mart before my birthday in September I was disgusted. For heavens sake people lets just leave it out all year long.
I wouldn't know really. I fall into the same trap myself.
http://ficklecattle.blogspot.com/
The only way is to stay home, stick your head under your pillow, keep the radio and TV off. And set your alarm for New Year's Eve. You don't want to miss the start of anew year.
Man, that's a toughie. I truly understand. The problem lies in the 18 other family members. Because you can manage to simplify things for your family, but as soon as someone else starts to overindulge, you start to feel guilty, like you didn't do enough. I mean "you" as in "one". I have a friend who told me something amazing last year. She and her husband had decided that that year they were going to have Christmas alone. Just her, her husband and their kids. That's it. When I asked her how on earth she managed to do that, how the rest of the family reacted, she said "It didn't really matter. We told them what we were going to do, and then we did it." I was shocked by the simplicity of this. I truly don't think I could EVER be that strong!
I agree. I used to skip the holidays entirely, when I was single. I just watched TV, or went to work. Now I can't, but we're getting older and we don't eat as much, and we don't buy stuff because we have everything we need, and there's no place to put more stuff in our small house. Overindulgence isn't possible for us anymore. ;-)
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