Photo Challenge: Week 22

Crystal Chandelier



Red Leaves
I probably should know what plant this is... but I don't.



Pool Surface



Watery Eyes
Don't worry, he isn't sad. He's in the pool.


Water Imp
I like the drops of water stopped in motion coming off his chin.

A Weekend Full of Possibilities

Friday is my favorite day of the week. I love the anticipation of the weekend to come. On Fridays, the weekend seems so full of possibilities. The Friday before a long weekend is even more fun because of more possibilities.

Today is Friday and we’re staring down a long weekend. But it’s not any weekend… it’s Memorial Day weekend. The weekend that officially starts the summer season and all the possibilities that it holds. A weekend to relax and unwind. A weekend to do as much or as little as you want. A weekend to catch up with friends and family. A weekend to get out and enjoy the weather before it gets blistering hot.

But Memorial Day is so much more in the PLRH house. In addition to remembering the men and women who died serving our country, Memorial Day is very, very special. In our family, May 30th is known as Bacon Day, the day my Sweetie legally adopted the boys and we all got the same last name. Isn’t Bacon Day a cool name for a holiday? Why Bacon Day? Because everything it better with Bacon!

This weekend there will be golf, yoga, swimming, a birthday party, a grad party, more golf, a baseball game, Bacon Day, and possibly some watermelon.

Have a fabulous weekend everyone!

What Have I Done for Me Lately?

This has been by far the worse funk I’ve been in… ever. Even though the PLRH Wellness Program has fallen to the wayside, I am trying to make an effort to do things that make me feel better (and happy). This is what I’ve got:

I made dinner – My wonderful husband has totally picked up the slack in the meal department. Normally, we share this duty but for the past few weeks he’s been a one-man show. I realized this Friday night when I arrived home about an hour before him. I felt guilty and I knew I couldn’t ask him, What’s for dinner, hon? as soon as he walked in the door. So I made dinner. Not just ordered pizza like I really wanted to do. A real dinner. Sauteed shrimps, pasta, and salad with a homemade citrus vinaigrette. It turned out so well that I surprised myself. Afterwards, I felt better for actually doing something creative.

I got my haircut – I’ve known my hairdresser for over 10 years. He always knows how much or how little to talk. Sometimes it feels so good to sit in the chair and close my eyes while he snips.

Walked at the bayfront – Saturday evening my Sweetie and I went to the bayfront park to snap photos and walk around. I loved the quiet one-on-one time with my love.



I ate Wallys – After our walk at the park, my Sweetie and I went out for burgers at our favorite English pub. We shared a plate of Wallys – dill pickles deep fried in a beer batter. Sounds odd, doesn’t it? Well, if you like fried green tomatoes, then you’ll love Wallys. We brought the extras home for a snack. Mmmmm... deep-fried happiness.



I went to Target - I love Target. It's my go-to store. It's also where I go when I want to get away from it all. I could lose myself in the aisles of SuperTarget for hours. But during these few miserable weeks I haven't even felt like stopping on my way home. Not even to get Mr. A "notebook paper that doesn't leave blue lines on your hand." While I don't think the retailer will post a loss for this quarter due to my lack of almost daily patronage, I have missed my alone time with the Bullseye.

I ate a tomato – Inspired by TKW’s love of Harriet the Spy and a delicious tomato sandwich I ate a tomato (sliced & salted) standing at the kitchen counter. And I didn’t share.

I finished a scarf – The sultry Florida summer is almost upon us and I’m still knitting away. By Christmastime I should have a stockpile of scarves to give away as gifts.

These little things aren’t much but it’s better than moping around the house all day.

What have you done for yourself lately?

College Apps

School will be out in a couple of weeks. Mr. A will be finished with his junior year. He’ll take the SATs one more time. Then he needs to crank out those college applications. Doesn’t exactly sound like a fun summer, does it?

Mr. A still has his sights on attending the US Naval Academy. He is already an official candidate for the Class of 2015. Either I've grown accustomed to the sound of "Class of 2015" or it's just made me numb. The application process for all of the service academies is rough. It includes the actual application, essay, and recommendation letters. But it also includes a physical fitness test and a nomination from a Senator or Congressman. The nomination packet is another whole subset application with essays, interviews, and such.

Whether or not Mr. A attends the Academy, he still wants to be a Naval officer. So his back-up plan consists of Navy ROTC. The NROTC scholarship is… you guess it… another application process. A process that is already underway. Mr. A still needs to write his essay and select five universities from the NROTC list. Then he needs to apply to each of those five schools. More essays. He tallied them up and he has 12 to write. We did a little bit of brainstorming this weekend and it looks like he’ll be able to retread some of them. Also, three of the schools that Mr. A is looking at use the Common Application so that should cut down on some of the paperwork.

Currently, his ROTC list has six schools and he needs to cut one. All of the schools so far have made the cut for engineering programs and “life outside the classroom.” He’s now ranking schools based on dorms and meals plans. He’s looking for co-ed dorms and an unlimited meal plan. The meal plan must be high up on the list because Notre Dame is still in the running and they definitely don’t have co-ed dorms.

To help cut down the list Mr. A has visited the two schools in Florida that he’s considering. A couple of weeks ago we went to the University of Florida. I was overwhelmed by the enormity of the school. It’s ten times the size of the university that I attended. I must have looked like a tourist in Times Square the entire time I was there.

I was also very surprised by the attitude we encountered while touring UF. Normally, I thought a school would try to woo prospective students. Instead the attitude that came across was, We think we’re fabulous and you’ll be privileged if we let you attend. I was truly surprised that I got this kind of feeling from a state university that everyone in Florida should be able to attend.

Another thing Mr. A and I noticed at UF, all of the other prospective students on the tour had UF as their first choice. Mr. A was there trying to decide if he wanted to keep it on his list of back-up schools. We had such a totally different perspective of the school than the other students and parents. But since UF has an unlimited meal plan, it’s still on the list.

All of this college application stuff boggles my mind. Mr. A is driving the bus on this because this is what he wants to do. The rest of us are along for the ride to offer support and assistant when needed. My approach to college was much different. I went to college because that’s what I was supposed to do. I didn’t know what I wanted to study. I certainly didn’t know what kind of career I wanted. I look at my son and wonder, Is he really my kid?

Did you know what you wanted to study in school?
Did you have your career mapped out?
Is your current career in your field of study?
Have college admissions always been so competitive?

They're Aliens!

If you’ve read my blog for a while, then you know that I have a goofy love of science fiction. No, I don’t own a Klingon dictionary or a light saber but I do love a good story. One of the biggest draws of sci-fi is the escapism factor. Few other book, movie, or TV genres can provide such a complete mental vacation from the real world.

My favorite aspect of sci-fi is its child-like truth. Writers can use the science fiction medium to speak plainly and openly from the heart without coming under fire. For decades sci-fi has offered fantastic contemporary social commentary often without being satirical.

For example, consider the original Star Trek TV series. This program was on the air during the height of both the Cold War and the Civil Rights Movement. On the bridge of the Enterprise there is a Russian officer, an Asian officer, and a female African-American officer. How global thinking is that?

A few months ago, the guys and I watched Battlestar Galactica on DVD. One of the episodes dealt with an extremist, militant religious group. It was handled wonderfully and spoke volumes about what’s going on in the world currently. But no one could really take offense because the people, religion, gods, etc… were ALL MAKE BELIEVE.

There are dozens of other examples that could be cited. Probably enough for someone to write a term paper on the subject. But since I don’t have more than 12 brain cells working together at the moment, that someone won’t be me.

Going back to the Star Trek universe for a moment, there is something that has bothered me over the years until recently. Despite the equality displayed in all of the Star Trek TV shows, there has always been a female singled out to wear a skin-tight outfit. This always bothered me because I thought that it objectified the woman. Then suddenly I realized that with the exception of the original TV series, all of the “objectified” women have been aliens.

THE HOT CHICKS ARE ALIENS!!!

So while the writers made these female characters more desirable to male viewers they also deftly and subtly crossed racial (species) barriers. I’m okay with that for the time being. I guess even sci-fi can't battle both sexism and racism in one sweep. But at least they’re making more progress than the rest of us.

Photos courtesy StarTrek.com

Photo Challenge: Week 21

Saturday afternoon my Sweetie and I went down to the bayfront to look at the sculpture and then take a walk around the park.


This piece resembles flora in a surreal sort of way.



The sculpture next to the flower petal looked like a giant bud vase made out of a giant gourd. This is what the neck of it looks like.



This collection of pieces takes on an architectural feel.



Finally, there's a simple rowboat that's not part of the sculpture.

A Rough Week

Overwhelmed. Struggling. Tired.

I’m not sure how to describe how I’ve felt this past week and how I continue to feel.

I’m overwhelmed by the suffocating and oppressive feelings that run hand-in-hand with depression. I struggle with my day-to-day life. I struggle with simple tasks. I struggle with illogical fears that creep in while my guard is down. I’m tired of positive thinking. I’m tired of hoping This Too Shall Pass. I’m tired of trying new medication dosing. I’m tired of not feeling like myself. I’m tired of dodging questions from co-workers. I’m tired of feeling like crap. I’m tired of being tired.

For the past week I haven’t picked up a book to read. I haven’t taken any photos. I haven’t replied to friends’ emails. I’ve barely attempted to blog. I didn’t even finish the Momalom Five-for-Ten. No yoga, swimming, or bike riding either.

I don’t want to do any of my usual activities. Instead I want to crawl into my shell and not come out. I want to live the life of a hermit just like Obi-Wan Kenobi. (OK, Yoda was a hermit too but the slimy landscape of Dagoba really creeps me out.)

How did I fall into a depression that seeps into my very being?

I don't know. I'm tired but I'm not ready to give up. So here I am dipping my toe back into the blogging wading pool. The anonymity of the blogosphere makes it easy to be myself. But the true comfort is in the safety of the non-judging online community that I've had the privilege of joining.

Did you know that MS Word recognizes Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda as real words?

My Family Tree is Full of Nuts

While on vacation to the northern states last week, my parents called me everyday at work to describe the natural wonders. One day they called me on their cell phone from Horse Tail Falls. Yep, my entire office heard my half of the conversation.

From seemingly nowhere, G-Man announced that the movie Jurassic Park would have had a different outcome if only they had door KNOBS.

Mr. A and I toured the University of Florida last Saturday. About halfway through the guided walking tour I asked him what he thought. His first response, “I really don’t like their color scheme.”

The other day my Sweetie wondered aloud how Barney the purple dinosaur could have brushed his teeth. Being a T-Rex Barney’s arms would have been too short to reach his mouth.

Today we received an invitation to an extended family reunion on my husband’s side. My name was misspelled on the envelope. That’s right, you can now call me “Ember.”

Photo Challenge: Week 20

I finally realized that I don't have to take photos of "perfect" flowers. This group of roses is interesting with the blooms in all stages of life.



Gardenias are beautiful flowers but the fragrance makes me sneeze.



The Princess

Brain Termites

July will mark two years since my spinal fusion surgery. For a year prior to my surgery I was in a drug-induced haze caused by the painkillers I took so I could sit, stand, walk, sleep… basically function in my daily life. I took a (legally prescribed) synthetic opium for a year and then detoxed (under medical supervision) after my surgery.

Before taking the opium I would have claimed to have an excellent memory. Now I have a year of my life that I can barely remember. I’m surprised I could remember my own name during that time. My fuzzy-headedness got really bad just before my surgery. I have no recollection of my 4th wedding anniversary or G-Man’s 12th birthday.

While my short-term memory function has returned to normal I can’t help but wonder if the opium killed off a few of my brain cells. I have HUGE holes in my memory! Someone can talk about something that happened in 2008 and I am clueless. After looking at them with a blank stare for a few moments, I usually reply, “That’s when I was on drugs.”

My eldest son tells me that I suffer from Brain Termites.


If you can remember, visit Momalom for more Memory tid bits.

Ever have one of those days?

Photo courtesy of Mr. A or G-Man. There's a disagreement regarding who actually took the picture.

Sustainable Happiness

Many ordinary things in life make me happy. Little everyday things bring a smile to my face. Things like birthday cake, balloons at a party, white fluffy clouds, a butterfly, my Great Dane trying to catch a butterfly, and the scent of sea air. These momentary pings of happiness lighten my heart and put a spring in my step.

Then there are the truly important things in my life that are integral to my long-term, sustainable happiness. My husband is my best friend and we love each other deeply and without bounds. We are raising our children in a safe and loving home. Our boys are healthy and are really GOOD kids. Our parents are active, healthy, and involved in the boys’ lives. We both have secure jobs that we enjoy. Heck, my job is very close to one of my fantasy jobs from my childhood! And let’s not forget that I am walking today thanks to a very talented surgeon!

My life is wonderful and I love it. I’m happy with my life for all the right reasons (at least in my book). So how can I have depression? When depression wraps itself around me the little moments of happiness don’t get through the dull, thick, numbing fog. Deep down I know that my life is good and I’m loved. However, the breeze on my face or the sun sparkling on the water doesn’t make me smile. Homemade cards from my children make me cry. My husband’s jokes go unnoticed. It sucks. But I continue to remind myself that I already have happiness in my life. Eventually, the mood will change. Eventually, I will get the momentary pings back. I go on hope a lot.

I also know that I have to take an active role in my overall happiness. I participate in yoga, bike riding, and swimming as part of the PLRH Wellness Program. The hardest part is getting motivated everyday to do something. I try to keep my brain engaged when I’m at home with knitting, reading, or blogging. Every little bit makes a difference whether I want to admit it or not.

The tide is beginning to turn for me. I believe my current funk is almost over. After Mr. A’s AP Chemistry exam yesterday, he and my Sweetie took me out to lunch. We ate at a little bistro around the corner from my office. I was quiet and listened as my guys discussed the British election. It was a wonderful way to spend my lunch. I was content. Thinking about it now warms my heart.

My life is very happy… says the girl who hasn’t smiled in days or laughed in weeks… but that’s about to change.

For more Happiness, visit Momalom.

Prom Photos!

The Guys - Going for the Secret Service look.



The Girls - The redhead in the royal blue dress on the right is the most recent girl to break Mr. A's heart. I think the lilac dress was the prettiest.


Ew! I don't know if she stepped in something or just got her heel stuck in the turf.


The Whole Crew - It was hard getting photos because there were 10 other pairs of parents trying to do the same!


The poor kids were squinting into the sun on this shot. Look at the size of that limo! A bit over the top? One girl's grandfather has a limo service and he donated the ride for the evening. I was very thankful knowing the kids were safe.

Do I have the courage?

A few weeks ago I was excited to participate in Momalom’s Five for Ten. But the past several weeks have been rough for me and my enthusiasm waned. In fact, I had forgotten all about it until I saw the reminder email this morning. I thought to myself that the topic should give me the much needed nudge to get me writing a blog post. Then I saw the topic...

Courage.

What do I know about courage? I’ve never been in a combat situation. I’ve never pulled someone from a burning car. Do I write about other people’s courage or do I stick to what I know?

Did I have the courage to stand up to an abusive husband?
You betcha!

Did I have the courage to be a single mom?
Of course!

Did I have the courage to fall in love again?
Absolutely!

Do I have the courage to get in the car with my 16-year-old son driving?
Yep!

Do I have the courage to get out of bed every morning?
No... But somehow I do.

Do I have the courage to tell people that I have Treatment Resistant Depression?
No... But I’m going to try.

Didn’t see that one coming, did you?

Treatment Resistant Depression is exactly what it sounds like. Medication works for a short while but then it’s no longer effective. For the past four weeks my doctor and I have been trying new mood stabilizers. I have felt awful as we’ve attempted to balance out my mood via the Russian Roulette method. I really haven’t been much fun to be around.

My doctor tells me that the big difference between me and other depressed patients is that I don’t want to be depressed and I have a very positive outlook on life. Well, who would want to feel like this? Essentially, I’m a happy person who happens to have a chemical imbalance that causes me to be depressed. I guess I'm just lucky.

The past month has been a struggle. Actually, the past six months have been a desperate struggle. I’m tired. I want to pull the covers over my head and not come out. I’m almost on the brink of giving up. Some days a positive attitude can only get me so far.

For years I haven’t discussed this with anyone outside my family. Mainly because there is such a social stigma attached to depression or any kind of mental illness. But today I’m gathering up my courage to tell you in an attempt to cast off another veil in my vulnerable striptease.

Hope is fueling my courage. I hope that just one positive comment of encouragement from my bloggy buddies will be enough to get me through another day.

For more words of courage, visit Jen and Sarah at Momalom.

Photo Challenge: Week 19

Magnolia
Aside from G-Man, magnolias are one of the few pleasant reminders I have from living in Louisiana. I look forward to them blooming every May.


Water Main
I love the texutre, flaking paint, and all the bits in this photo.


Blowing in the breeze
This little bird just held on as the reeds bounced around in the stiff breeze.


Vroom Vroom!


Movie theater in black and white


Movie theater in fun colors!

Prom Night

Tonight is the Junior-Senior Prom. Mr. A is going with a group of friends including the most recent girl who just wants to be friends. I don't think he's too thrilled about going but I know he'll have a great time.

Prom is another teenage milestone that's whizzing by way too fast. I hope I don't have Mom Moment when I see all the kids dressed in their finery. I don't think I'll freak about the Prom itself because the kids are riding in a limo and I know they'll be safe. The visible signs that they're hurtling toward adulthood is what will get me.

Also, I might be a little jealous. I didn't go to my Senior Prom because I had mono. Yep, I got jipped. The closest I ever got to Prom was one day visiting the country club where the Tuxedo jacket got its name.

I promise to post Prom photos next week. In the meantime, does anyone have any good Prom stories?

Spin Cycle: Mother's Day

To say that I resisted change as a child is an understatement. I usually approached each new situation with lusty crying, wailing, and gnashing of teeth. The good news is that once I got past the initial trauma and discovered that the new experience wasn’t going to kill me, I was okay and all was dismissed.

Unfortunately, the first day of kindergarten didn’t go away so easily. On that fateful day I did my usual sobbing and clung to my mother’s skirt in the parking lot in front of the school. Once inside I was fine and by the end of the day I had forgotten that I had even been upset. Until...

Fast forward eight months to Mother’s Day. During Mass the parish priest presented a slide show of touching mother and child photos he had taken during the year. Everyone in my family seemed to have mentally blocked the fact that he was snapping away on the first day of school. You guessed it, there was photographic evidence of my kindergarten catharsis. When the slide of the little redheaded girl bawling away and clutching to her mother’s hem appeared, the entire congregation burst into laughter. My mother, on the other hand, couldn’t slide down into the pew far enough. In a parish dominated by Italians there wasn’t any mistaking to whom the redhead belonged.

Every single Mother’s Day that slide popped up on the screen to the usual chuckles. And every single Mother’s Day my mom glared at me. But what could I do? I didn't take the photo and I had long since stopped crying on the first day of anything. Actually, I’m a little surprised that my mom agreed to go to Mass on Mother’s Day after that. I suppose she hoped that the slide had been misplaced during the year. Or maybe deep down she really liked the notoriety? Eventually, my parents moved to Florida and it was no longer an issue.

Either way, here’s to a slide show-free Mother’s Day!

For more Spins of Mother's Day, visit Sprite's Keeper.

My Summer Vacation Plans

In five short weeks school lets out for the summer. Two days after that the PLRH family packs up and heads out for vacation. We’re going to the mountains of North Carolina to stay at a relative’s summer house for a week. I’m looking forward to fishing, hiking, relaxing, photo opportunities, and cooler temps.

Just thinking about all those things makes me nostalgic for the summers at Pines Lake. We never went on summer vacations like other families. No trips to visit out-of-state grandparents. No trips down the shore. No trips to Williamsburg or Disney World. Oh, we did go on vacation but it was always at other times of the year. Summer was solely dedicated to life at Pines Lake and I loved it.

Summer vacation used to mean spending every waking moment in a swim suit. My friends and I would swim, dive, canoe, fish, catch turtles & frogs, and eat ice cream every day. As I got into my teen years, summer also meant early morning long-course swim practice, afternoon swim practice with the lake league, and eventually lifeguarding. Evenings were filled with after dinner swims, exciting summer movies, baseball games, and giant ice cream cones at the Old Milk Barn.

Now twelve weeks of summer fun needs to be crammed into one week. The rest of the summer is filled with responsible adult stuff like going to work, cooking dinner, and harassing the kids about their summer homework assignments.

Perhaps “crammed” isn’t the correct word to use. During our week-long summer vacation I plan to savor as much as possible. I want to relax and not think about work. I want to sleep with the windows open and feel the breeze on my face as I sleep. I want to wade in a fresh water stream (something that isn’t wise in Florida). I want to spend all day with my husband. I want to watch our kids act like kids. I want to stay up late with my family and watch the stars.

That’s my plan for my summer vacation.

What are your vacation plans?

Photo: Annual swim from West Beach to South Beach including flipping the canoe with the swim coaches.

Yogify

Yoga is quickly becoming one of my favorite activities. I enjoy doing it and afterwards I feel great. As you can see in the photo above where I'm demostrating my favorite pose, that I am in fact a yoga natural. I was also light years ahead of my time by taking up yoga long before it became trendy.

The Magic of the Beach

The lure of the beach has drawn me in for as long as I can remember. There's something magical about that special place where the water meets the land. I've been to many beaches: South Beach and West Beach at Pines Lake, Pensacola Beach, Ft. Walton Beach, Lido Beach, Sandy Hook, Presque Isle, Point Reyes, Playa del Carmen, the windward side of Cozumel, Bahia Honda, and Ft. DeSoto.

However, when we moved to Florida twelve years ago the magic of the beach was lost to me. I just couldn't find it. As much as I love the water, the fear of advancing my skin cancer kept me at home.

Saturday we went to Siesta Beach in the late afternoon to look at the results of the sandcastle building contest. As we walked across the powdery white sand, I mentally criticized the sun worshippers. I couldn't imagine why anyone would want to bake themselves. Then I got a surprise. All of the kids at the beach were estatic and joyful. I found myself taking more photos of them than the sandcastles. Viewing the photos on the computer I found the magic of the beach again.

Photo Challenge: Week 18

Our children are a reflection of ourselves.




Waves I




Waves II