Slow and Steady

So far this year is off to a tortoise’s pace. And I like it.

I’ll admit that I’m human and far from perfect. I worked myself into quite a knot over the turning of the year. 2011 has always been on the periphery as the year that Mr. A graduates from high school and leaves for college. All of the countdowns on the radio on New Year’s Eve kick-started my mental countdown to Induction Day on June 30th.

I cried when I thought of Mr. A leaving, becoming a man, and taking on the world. I didn’t cry for him because I know that he is so ready. He was born ready. I cried for me… his mom. I cried because I’m going to miss him. I cried because I just got used to life as it is and I’m scared about the change that’s coming in six months. I cried because I won't be able to talk to him every day. I cried because I won’t see him on his birthday.

By Sunday, I was a wreck. I woke up with a full-blown migraine that no number of ice packs could eliminate. I managed to eat family breakfast with the guys. I declared that my Sweetie made the best pancakes of the year and then went back to bed for the rest of the day.

I was angry with myself for ruining the last day of my vacation that I thoroughly enjoyed so much. I wanted to get back to the relaxation I experienced before Christmas. In order to do that, I had to let go. I didn’t make myself feel guilty that the laundry wasn’t finished and put away before we started back to work. I didn’t feel guilty about not going to the grocery store. We wouldn’t starve in the next few days. I didn’t feel guilty about not putting all the Christmas decorations away. The world wouldn’t come to an end if those tasks weren’t accomplished by the end of day.

I granted myself some leniency and I felt tremendously better.

This morning I woke to a London-type fog enveloping the house and sinuses that felt like they were full of cement. My head still hurt but in a different way. At work, all my co-workers shuffled along with a similar winter break hangover. Today seemed like the second longest work day in history. But that’s ok since slow and steady wins the race. It’s only the 3rd of January but I feel that the year is improving day-by-day.

I didn’t make any New Year’s Resolutions. But I do have two goals for the year. I plan to spend as much quality time with my eldest son in the next six months as our mother/son relationship transitions. My second goal is to also spend lots of quality time with my youngest son (especially after his brother leaves). I want to pull G-Man out of his shell and get him to experience life more.

So cheers to 2011... the guilt-free and tortoise-paced year!