Solitude

The other night I sat on the edge of Mr. A’s bed and looked at the map of the United States that he tacked on the wall. It’s a National Geographic map pulled from a magazine years ago. I studied the Northeast where I grew up was startled by the congestion of cities, towns, and highways. Had it always been like that?

My eyes wandered across the map to places I have lived and visited. Then my eyes naturally gravitated to the wide open spaces on the map. The areas without so many little black letters and red & blue lines. Sure enough, I found myself looking at Montana.

I let out a little sigh and said, “You know, I’d still like to see Montana.”

With panic rising in his voice, my eldest son remarked. “But I thought things had been better lately!”

I assured him that things are much better than where we were six months ago, eight months ago, a year ago. I also told him that I would just like to see Montana because the land looks so beautiful. I’d like to go to Glacier National Park and see Iceberg Lake. I’d like to see buffalo on the grasslands. I’d like to experience the “Big Sky.”

And yes, I would like some solitude.

As a child, I was very shy and quiet. I enjoyed playing by myself as much as I enjoyed playing with other children. All my life I’ve been the one to hang on the periphery of a party taking in as much or as little as I want.

I prefer quiet art museums to noisy interactive, science museums. I help plan big events and festivals at work and then never attend them. At the office, I sit in an open floor plan with constant noise and action so at lunch I take a walk or find a quiet spot to read my book.

I need solitude to recharge my batteries. That’s why I relish my Me Time and try to allow for it every week.

Growing up in Pines Lake I often found solitude walking in the nature park adjacent to our house. Actually, it was still private property back then and the owners allowed us access. Many times I felt as if I was the only person there. On rainy days when there was little else to do, I walked along the trails and listened to the rain on the leaves and the gurgling of the streams.

The past few weeks have been bumpy for me. Just a typical hiccup in the treatment of long-term depression. I know this too shall pass. But I’d really wish there was something I could do to help things along. My mind keeps going back to my childhood walks in the nature park. There was something very restorative and healing about my solitary walks. I wish I could capture that feeling.

Oh, how I long for that park now.


****

Your Turn
Do you prefer solitude or do you draw your energy from the fast-paced world around you?
Do you have special memories of a place from your childhood?
Have you ever visited that place as an adult?
Have you ever been to Montana?