Depression: The Turning Point

I believe that I’ve reached The Turning Point in my battle against depression.

Over the years, our family practice doctor has treated me for my depression and has done a wonderful job at keeping the beast at bay. During the years she has adjusted my medication as needed and it usually seemed to work. And by “it seemed to work” I mean that I stopped crying and moved on with life.

Then about 15 months ago I felt as if my world came crashing down around my ears. I went back to my doctor and she increased my meds. I muddled through for a few months until I realized that I was making my family hurt almost as much as me.

In May of last year, my doctor added a “mood stabilizer” to my meds telling me that it would help the antidepressants work better. I trusted my doctor and took the medication. The crying stopped but I still didn’t feel like me and I felt fuzzy-headed too. My doctor also urged me to meet with a therapist to complement my treatment.

I resisted therapy for a long, long time. The only excuse I have is that I’ve met a lot of kooks in my life and I’m a very private person and have a hard time opening up (says the girl with the blog). But the pleading looks from my family was enough to find a therapist.

So I’ve been meeting with a psychologist every week since June. I really can’t see that I’ve made any progress. Okay, that doesn’t sound right. I don’t feel depressed anymore but I can’t say that I’ve had any A-Ha moments or that the therapist has really helped me. In fact, she’s done nothing but irritate me the past few weeks. But that’s another post.

Anyway, for several months now I haven’t felt depressed. I’ve felt DRUGGED but not depressed. I’ve been sleepy and haven’t had any energy or interest in doing much. I felt weighted down and dampened but not depressed.

My family doctor is awesome and I trust her judgment but I decided that I needed to see a specialist. Last week I met with a psychiatrist. He confirmed that I have Major Depressive Disorder (or Recurrent) which may or may not be genetic and is usually triggered by a stressful or life-changing event. Check, check and double-check.

He also said that I should not be taking the mood stabilizer which is actually an anti-psychotic medication (I knew that). Anti-psychotics are used to treat schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder. But recently pharmaceutical companies have been promoting them for use against depression in addition to antidepressants. You may have seen the commercials on TV.

The psychiatrist gave me a plan to step down from the anti-psychotic medication (since I’m not really psychotic) and then wants to see me in two weeks to review the rest of my meds. Today is Day 5 of the 8-day plan and I feel wonderful! My sleep schedule is a little screwy (which is expected) so I’m tired but my mind actually feels clear. I’m laughing and smiling. I have more energy and I’ve been riding my bike.

Then there’s the MAJOR side-effect of the anti-psychotic medication – weight gain. The medication can slow the metabolism, increase appetite, and cause insulin-resistance. Yep, I gained 20 pounds in the past nine months and no, I’m not having a baby.

Sure I could be bitter about gaining 20 pounds while taking medication that I shouldn’t have been on in the first place. But I’m not. I’m in too good of a mood to be bitter. I’m so happy to be feeling life again that I’m actually excited about getting back to an active, healthy lifestyle and losing weight (fingers crossed).

I definitely think this is The Turning Point and it is good.