I’m not entirely sure what to do with myself.
Essentially for the past two years I have exerted a tremendous, TREMENDOUS amount of emotional energy battling PTSD. A battle I’m glad to report that’s nearly over. Oh yea, and I’m going to win.
Under the guidance of a psychiatrist, during the past four months I have gradually weaned off all the medications I had been taking for Major Depressive Disorder. Medications that weren’t appropriate for PTSD. Now I’m only taking the minimum therapeutic dose of an SSRI while my doctor and I wait for my system to finish stabilizing.
During this time of medication step-down, I also happened to experience a major life change. That’s the one in which we took Mr. A to the Academy, he swore an oath to the US Navy, and the rest of us drove home without him. Oh, and I made it through that with flying colors too.
While we’re talking about emotional energy, the whole USNA application process required a boatload. Yes, Mr. A did all of the hard work. By. Himself. But that process pretty much enveloped the entire family as we provided emotional support. The application process for ANY university that G-Man decides to attend will be a snap in comparison.
So, now as I adjust to this new stage of my life, I’m not quite sure what to focus all of my energy on.
Yes, there’s still plenty of activity happening in our family of three. G-Man still has three more years of high school that I have to endure. (Did I say that out loud?) In the near future there will be driving lessons, golf lessons, sports physicals, back-to-school shopping, and golf team try outs.
However, if I were to expend the same volume of sheer energy on my guys that I spent these past two years, then I would turn into one of those neurotic, helicopter parents and both S and G-Man would leave home. They’d probably take the dog with them too.
I’ve got to figure out what to do with myself. I’m so flabbergasted by the prospect that I don’t even know where to start. I don’t even know what to think.
Suggestions? Anyone? Please!
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7 comments:
Make a list of all the things you've wanted to do over the past years but couldn't. Come visit me. Learn a new hobby. Take up beading. LOL. You will make it. I just proud of how you've handled things up to now.
When my kids left for college, I felt that very same way. I knew absolutely nothing about being anything other than a mom. I had no idea what my purpose was anymore, and that's when I started blogging...and so it goes.
Write, walk, breathe. :)
It will become clear to you what you need to do. Just wait. ;-)
I'm really worried about this phase in my life. Even though right now I have a toddler. I've never been a hobby person! Like I'm not huge into crafty stuff or sewing or anything. I'm really dreading a time where I'm not constantly working and mothering. Good luck to you! I hope you turn this into something fun, finding a new project for yourself.
Blog more? :)
When I think of everything you've done in the past year, it's really overwhelming. It's no wonder you feel a little rudderless trying to figure out what to do next.
I am feeling a bit like that myself right now. The last five years of my life have been about being pregnant, having babies, and breastfeeding. Now that my daughter is almost six months old, I'm starting to feel twitchy about what comes next after she is weaned and my body once again belongs to me.
Good lucky to both of us! ;)
For a moment after I read this I felt jealous of your newfound freedom of spare time. Then I reminded myself that although our days are filled with work, bottles, sippy cups, parenting a toddler and an infant, and constant activity - there will come a day all too soon when I am seeing them off to college. While that moment will be bittersweet, I have to enjoy the chaos I am in right now and know that free time will come again soon:)
As for you, I think you should spend more time in photography - you have talent!!
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